The “OH” Moment

We’ve all had them – that moment of realization that the person you’re dating isn’t quite what you thought. The moment in which he/she does or says something that negates everything positive you may have experienced with them up until that point. The deal breaker. When all you can say is, “OH” and get out. Quickly.

Urban dictionary explains it like this:
Girl: It’s a promise ring, I made a pact to not have sex until I’m married.
Guy 1: Oh.
Guy 2: You’ve just experienced The “Oh” Moment.

I’ve had my fair share of “OH” moments – some hilarious, some devastating (which can also be hilarious, as it turns out).

Can I share a few, you ask?

Of course, of course…

OH Moment #1
The Back Story: I had been dating a particular guy for just about six months – nothing overly serious, nothing committed, just a really fun time with a guy who seemed pretty normal. We ate Japanese food a lot. He had a kid who he took for visitation twice a month. We were eating Japanese and talking about his upcoming visitation when this conversation happened …

Him: So Andy is coming up this weekend. I think we’re going to do some art projects.

Me: That’s awesome! What do you think you’re going to make?

Him: I had my mom send some photos so we can make a collage thing …

Me: Oh! So much fun …

Him: There were a bunch of pictures in there of Mary.

Mary was his ex-wife.

Him: I was so angry when I saw them, I tore them up.

Me: Oh … well, I’m sur–

Him: And peed on them.

SILENCE

Him: I wish I was lying about that.

Me: OH.

OH Moment #2
The Back Story: I had finally met a guy I thought was the appropriate level of “terrified of commitment”. You might be surprised to know that finding people with a ‘healthy’ balance of fear of committing is difficult, especially when you’re talking about guys. At that time, I was specifically looking for a guy who wasn’t going to propose anytime soon, maybe one who was a little afraid of the prospect of marriage, but also one who wasn’t sleeping with everything that walked. Not an easy task. Once I thought I had succeeded, the guy started to get a little clingy. I put in a request for space, and things seemed cool. Then this little tidbit happened …

Him: Hey! Can you come over? I need to talk to you.

Me: I thought we agreed on some serious space? I mean, I’m no opposed to talking to you, I just don’t know if it’s a good idea for me to come to your place right now.

Him: No, no … It’ll be fine. I promise. I just want to talk.

Me: Ok … I was just getting ready to leave the city now, so it’ll take me about fifteen to get to you.

THIRTY MINUTES LATER

Me: Hey! How are you?

Him: I’m good, I’m good. Come in – just sit in the living room, ok? I’ll be in in a sec.

Me: Sure …

A few minutes later he walked back in the room and stood in front of me.

Him: I think you’re an amazing person.

Me: Well, thanks … I like to think–

Him: I just don’t think I’m ever going to find another woman like you.

I’m staring. In silence. He drops to one knee.

Him: I want to marry you.

He has a ring.

Me: What are you doing?

Him: I want to marry you.

Me: OH. Get up… Jesu-GET OFF THE FLOOR. I can’t – I’m sorry. Look, I should go…

OH Moment #3
The Back Story: When I was about 20, I had been living with a woman who I had a relationship with for over a year. We were extraordinarily close, and I had no reason to think there was anything wrong at the time. Here’s how it went …

Her: Hey … are you awake?

NO. It’s 4:00AM, hulllooo?

Her: Kar – I need you to get up. I have to talk to you. It’s important.

Me: I’m up, I’m up. Are you ok? What’s wrong?

Her: I have to talk to you and I need to know that you’re awake enough to understand what I’m going to say.

Me: Did you even come to bed?

Her: No. Just listen, ok?

Me: Yeah, ok. Sorry.

Her: I love you. I really do. I could spend the rest of my life with you. It’s just– I just–

Me: Are you seriously doing this?

Her: God just told me that it’s wrong for me to be with you, and I need you to leave. Like, right now. You have to go. I’m sorry.

Me: OH.

OH Moment #4
The Back Story: While I was living in the Dominican Republic, I didn’t have much time to meet potential relationships – not to mention that the whole country was pretty – well, less than sanitary. I was a little thrilled when a very decent looking guy sent me a message on facebook asking me what I had been up to since high school, was I single, he had always felt a connection with me, etc. etc. We never did get the chance to meet – the big moment happened via chat while I was doing research in Central America.

Him: You should sen me a picture of yourself.

Me: There are plenty of pictures of me online, obviously. You’re a friend on facebook.

Him: No, I mean, right now. Like, you’re spending all this time working in some other country – show me what you’re doing.

I obliged and sent him a quick snap of myself learning to make a new piece of jewelry for that week’s lesson.

Him: That’s great! You’re really talented. And pretty!

Me: Thanks 🙂

Him: I sent you a pic too.

Me: Cool …

Him: Check your email.

I open my email to find a less-than-appropriate, totally unsolicited picture of his penis. Freakin’ lovely :/

Me: OH, that’s what you meant when you asked for a — OH. Not cool.

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