The Trouble with Dating: The Follow Up

I was happy to see that so many of you were more charmed with my date with AJ than I was with AJ. Lucky for you – and not so much for me – the story didn’t end with the end of the ten-hour-date.

While I wasn’t crazy enough to go on a second date, I was cordial enough think that he deserved a phone call from me telling him that while he certainly put a lot of effort into our first date, I didn’t think we should see each other again.

My plan was to wait a couple of days – you know, for the sake of the two-day rule and to not look like a psycho, though I’m not exactly sure why I was concerned about the psycho part – he had already trumped me on that one. But, by the time I woke up the next morning (thank god it was a Saturday – I needed some serious sleep to recoup from such a long date – and not for any kind of a good reason) he had already left me a voice mail two text messages.

Apparently no one ever told him about the two-day rule.

The general gist of his obsessive messages was that he a) had a great time with me, b) was really sorry that we couldn’t go bowling (REALLY?! STILL?!) and c) wanted to see me again. Soon.

I shuddered at the thought, put off returning his call until later that afternoon, and generally avoided dealing with the entire situation.

But then he called again.

That would be two phone calls and two text messages the day after a ten hour date, just in case you weren’t keeping track.

So, I gave in and called him back. The conversation went something like this:


AJ: Hello?

Me: Hey, AJ. How are you?

AJ: Oh, Kari! I am great! Did you get my messages? Are you having a good day? Did you enjoy our time last night? I did. I really think we have a connection.

Me: [pause of disbelief] It was really nice of you to go through all that trouble for me. I mean, no one has ever put that much effort into a date with me before, so .. that was nice.

AJ: Oh, good. I am so happy that you enjoyed yourself. Maybe we can do something tonight or tomorrow?

And the two-day rule is officially shot to hell.

Me: Look, AJ, let me just be blunt with you. Can I be honest?

AJ: Of course! I always want you to be honest with me. That is how good relationships are built, you know.

Me: Yes, yes, I know. But, well – I wanted to thank you for a nice time last night, but it became pretty clear to me that we both want different things. I don’t think we should see each other again. I’m not the girl that you’re going to bring home to your parents to make them proud. I don’t even want to get married. The thought of another human being being forced out of my vagina makes me physically ill. I-I’m just not the girl you’re looking for, ok?

AJ: You’re wrong.

[Stunned silence]

Me: I’m sorry – what?

AJ: You’re wrong. You’re wrong because we had a good time, and we had a connection, and we’re supposed to be together. I’m not going to let you go this easily.

He was yelling.

Me: Dude, we only had one–

AJ: I’m going to see you again.

Me: I’m hanging up. I don’t want to see you. Don’t make this complicated.

I hung up before he could respond. He called back. Twice.

I didn’t answer, but that didn’t seem to deter him from leaving a multitude of voice mails, sending text messages, and even emailing me.

It went on like this for the next two days.

Sunday night I had plans to hang out with my very good friend, Jeff. I told him the entire story – start to finish, and said I even had the greeting cards to prove it. I told him about the phone calls and the messages and how the guy had told me I was wrong. Then I told him how I just wanted the guy to stop calling and how I was nervous that he knew where I lived.

Me: Like, what if he’s so hell bent on seeing me again that he shows up at my house? I’m going to have to call the police on his ass. That’s not what I want to have to do …

Jeff: Gimme his number. Seriously. I’ll call him and pretend to be your enraged boyfriend or ‘roided-up older brother or something. We’ll see who can get more crazy.

Me: You’ll totally win that contest… If he calls again while I’m here, you’re answering.

Jeff: What does this guy do anyway?

Me: Oh, uh, he’s a software engineer, I think.


Me: What? Why are you looking at me like that?

Jeff: Oh, Kari … you should have known. Don’t date those!

That night, I got my very first lesson on the logic of software engineers and why they don’t quite function like the rest of us.

I am happy to say that I took Jeff’s advice and have never been on another date with a software engineer. In fact, I do my best to avoid them entirely.

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